Fated
by lordvoldyfarts
Summary: They were doomed from the start - two starcrossed lovers who were, perhaps, never meant to be. Emily Fields and Paige McCullers did everything they could to cheat fate.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters! They belong to the lovely Sara Shepherd and I. Marlene King!**

They were doomed from the start.

If you caught either Emily Fields or Paige McCullers at the right time, under the right circumstances, they would admit that perhaps, they had known it all along. Felt it in their intermingling breath between kisses or in the tips of their toes as they curled into the bed sheets.

But that didn't mean they didn't try. Oh Lord, did they try. They loved each other with everything that they had.

But sometimes – sometimes, love just isn't quite enough. The recipe for a fairytale is more luck and timing than it is _love_. Love is the cherry on top, the substance coming from forces beyond anyone's control.

They tried to fight it, their inevitable disintegration, but the pieces were already falling before they had a chance to realize it. They held on, grasping onto each other with all of the strength that they had, when fate expected them to run in the opposite direction.

But if there's one thing Emily Fields and Paige McCullers know now better than ever, it's that somehow, your fate always seems to just barely escape your fingertips when you think you're close to grabbing it and taking control.

Things rarely turn out how you expect them to. Emily Fields never expected to fall in love with Paige McCullers, the strange, overly competitive girl who swam against her in high school. Paige McCullers never expected that Emily Fields, perhaps the _one _person that Paige could never forget (though not for a lack of trying) would ever reciprocate the feelings that had been growing inside of her since they were children. And neither of them could have expected the impact their four years together at Stanford University would have on them – and their futures.

Their story is complex, one with many layers. It is made of many twists and turns, steps backwards and forwards, tears and drinking games, but most importantly, and it pains me to say this, their story is a tragedy. At least how it stands right now.

A question that is vital to the telling of this story is, just how much does fate control us and to what degree do we control _it_?

And what happens if we decide to take our futures, our destinies, into our own hands?

Emily Fields and Paige McCullers spent their four years together discovering the answers to these questions. And they did everything in their power to cheat fate. To choose their own destiny. To mold and shape their own futures – outside of some ominous, omnipresent force.

However, fact remains.

They were doomed from the start.

**A/N: W..ow okay! Sorry for the incredibly short/vague/choppy prologue. The lack of fluidity between thoughts was absolutely intentional and I hope it doesn't put you off too much. None of the future chapters should have the same lack of flow (though if things go as planned there will be interjectory chapters from this "narrator" like figure who is telling the story!) and they should all be of considerably longer length. I hope you're intrigued and willing to read on! A few housekeeping notes. This is set in an alternate universe, where A never existed. Alison died that night but A never hunted the girls so they had a normal high school experience! Paige didn't attend Rosewood High with the core four, but instead attended Oakwood High, where Shana went! I **_**believe **_**those are the only major changes, everything else should more or less be the same! This story is….not going to be easy? It'll be a roller coaster. Ups and downs and everything in between but please know that I adore happy endings and hope that I get our fav couple there by the end of the story! (And this is absolutely a Paily endgame…probably. Hopefully). If you want to follow me on tumblr, where I'll likely be giving chapter progress updates, I'm fifteendivision tumblr! c:**


	2. September 2nd, 2020

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! The character belong to Sara Shepherd and I. Marlene King!**

**Present Day.**

Emily Fields stared down at the envelope resting in her shaking hands. She knew exactly what it was. It arrived early in the morning, mixed in with her electric bill and Cosmopolitan magazine. She'd been expecting it (or, more accurately, dreading it) since she saw the change in herrelationship status on Facebook.

Of all the promises they had made to each other, _this_ is the one she chose to keep.

She remembered the day they had made the promise to each other so clearly, so vividly, it felt like it had only been yesterday, when in fact it had been nearing five years. The promise came tucked between tears and apologies. They had been making promises to each other that neither of them could keep for the entirety of their relationship and they both knew it was time to stop. It was time to be honest, let go, and admit that what they had was well and truly over.

But they made one last promise.

_"Promise me that you'll find someone and settle down, Paige. I don't want you living life _waiting _for me. Please." _

She whispered the words against her cheek. Emily felt the hot tears pouring from Paige's eyes, some landing on her own cheek, mixing with her own. She felt the nod against her face. _"I mean it. I really mean it. And I want proof. Send me an invitation to your wedding or something. I just….I have to know that you'll move on. Promise me."_

The whispered response held more finality than any of their words exchanged that night ever did. _"I do, I promise." _Was the last thing she said before she straightened her back, wiped her eyes, and gave Emily one final kiss before she walked out of the door and out of Emily's life. For good.

Five years. It had been five years and the memory of that night still turned her stomach into knots and made her want to vomit. It had, in truth, been a long time coming but that didn't mean it didn't feel excruciatingly painful. Like someone had reached into her chest and grabbed her heart, squeezing every ounce of happiness and hope out of it, and kept a chokehold on it just to remind her of what she had lost.

She thought that night was her rock bottom. That the kind of pain she was experiencing would be the worst of her life, after all there was no worse feeling than letting the love of your life turn her back on you and walk out of your life.

But in this moment, with the envelope sitting heavy in her hands, she realized that once she opened that envelope and read the contents, _this _would be her rock bottom.

So she sat, staring at it, turning it in her hands, studying every angle of the small, white envelope, wondering if opening it was worth a broken heart. The writing on the front was so clearly Paige's and it made her heart ache. She would be able to recognize that feminine, boxy scrawl anywhere. And she couldn't deny how her heart sped up seeing her name in the familiar writing.

Deciding that she had stared at the outside of the envelope long enough, she held her breath and tore it open. Inside was the invitation she was expecting and a note she certainly wasn't. The invitation was simple, with an ornate etching on the side.

_You are cordially invited to celebrate the union of_

_Paige Eliza McCullers_

_And_

_Anna Lillian Lowe_

_On the date of October 30__th__, 2020._

_Please RSVP by October 1__st__._

It was official now. Paige McCullers was getting married. To Anna Lillian Lowe. She let the invitation fall from her fingers, her hands shaking too much to keep a steady grip on it. She had to read the note, she knew she did, she just had to get her hands to stop shaking and her head to stop spinning first.

She took a few deep breaths, letting the air fill her lungs and relax her. She was prepared for the invitation. She knew it was coming. She had weeks to prepare for it. She never anticipated a note to be sent along with it, though Paige was never one to let things speak for themselves.

She picked up the note, carefully unfolding it. It was short but it was enough. All it read was:

_I had to keep this promise._

That's it. That's all she could say. Anger suddenly began flowing through her, resulting in her shredding the note into tiny pieces. A choice she regretted instantly. That note held the most of Paige that Emily had had in years and now it was gone.

How could she go to this wedding and watch the love of her life walk away from her _again_?

She made Paige promise her that she would move on; Emily never promised her that _she_ would.

The ache in her heart was paralyzing. Emily grabbed at her chest, wondering if _this _would ever stop hurting.

It had been five years since she watched Paige walk away from her for the last time and not a single day went by that Emily's heart didn't ache for her. Not a single day that Emily's heart didn't skip a beat whenever she saw a girl with long dark hair and a familiar gait. Not a single day that Emily didn't hover over the Paige McCullers contact in her phone and wonder if the other woman would pick up, if her number had stayed the same.

So Emily figured that no, this wouldn't ever stop hurting. She would feel this mixture of regret, longing, guilt, and _love_ every single day for the rest of her life. And it was all her fault. Everything – this whole mess, if traced back to the source, could be pinned on Emily. She did this to them and now she had to live with the consequences. Forever.

God, how did it end up like this? Such a convoluted fucking mess. While nothing between them had ever been simple or easy, not even in the beginning, she never would have thought that they would end up like this. Their first communication in three years was a note enclosed in a wedding invitation. An invitation that was the last loose end either of them had to tie up.

The invitation was more than just a piece of cardstock. It was the final chapter. The last page of the book of Paige and Emily. Now with their last promise fulfilled, there was nothing tying them to each other.

They were….nothing to each other anymore and that thought hurt more than anything.

Paige McCullers and Emily Fields were now, essentially, strangers.

_How _did it end up like this?

**A/N: Hello again! I know, an update so soon after the prologue! I really wanted to get this first chapter up, mostly because the prologue was as vague and choppy as it was! This is hopefully a bit more…clarifying. I know it's still pretty vague but we'll get there! Just another housekeeping note: this story will be split between two timelines. The present day (2019, which I'm pretty sure is the correct year based on the show timeline) and a second timeline, beginning with Emily and Paige's first year together at Stanford. So total, this story will span 9 years. As long as everything goes to plan, the stories will be told in chronological order side by side. The chapters will alternate between timelines so the next chapter will take place when Emily and Paige are in college! **


	3. August 13th and 15th, 2011

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! The characters belong to I. Marlene King and Sara Shephard! **

**August 13****th****, 2011.**

The campus was huge. It was everything she had dreamed it would be but, still, huge. She moved onto campus early, a perk of being an official member of the Stanford University swim team (she couldn't get over saying it so she took every opportunity), which gave her time on campus to navigate and figure out just where the hell her classes were. The academic complex of the University was empty, the only other people on campus being fellow athletes. Paige lived in a single room and she had yet to reach out to anybody living on her floor, which left her to explore the campus alone. She had a map in her hand and a furrow in her brow. The map, which she supposed was meant to be helpful, only served to confuse her more. She spotted a bench next to the science building (where, conveniently, _none _of her classes were) and sat down, making an attempt to calm her nerves.

She was out of her depth. She was officially a small fish in a really, really big pond. It was actually more like a lake. Or an ocean. No matter what body of water she used to describe the school, she was still a small fish. One that had been thrown out of the water and was flopping around desperately in an attempt to _breathe_.

She wished her parents had stayed. They dropped her off two days ago and said goodbye quickly, as if they had somewhere else, somewhere better, to be. Her father clapped her on the shoulder, gave her a tight smile, and told her to "Swim well. Keep your times down and focus, Paige." And then got back in the car. No hug, no kiss, nothing that would have identified him as any more than a coach or even a vaguely friendly stranger. Her mother had been a bit warmer, at least wrapping her delicate arms around Paige's shoulders and kissing her temple. Her smile too was tight, clipped, and put together. That was how everything was with the McCullers parents. Tight, clipped, and put together. They were…picturesque if Paige had to put a word to it. Every picture hanging in the McCullers household looked the exact same. Her parents, with one hand on each of her shoulders, her siblings sitting on either side of her, just a smidge below. It was subtle but it was a way of enforcing the strange familial hierarchy that the McCullers family had. Paige at the top, her younger brother at the bottom, her older sister in the middle. Paige was, undoubtedly, her parent's most prized possession. It wasn't because she was the best behaved or the most stellar student. No. It was because of her athleticism. Her swimming prowess had propelled her to the top rung of McCullers family ladder.

It seems fucked that a family even has a hierarchy like that but it was all Paige had ever known.

It was, in truth, one of the reasons Paige was so eager to get as far away from her hometown in Pennsylvania as she could. Stanford was the furthest away she could get without moving out of the country. Now she only ever had to be home for holidays and vacations and that was so _freeing_.

But for all of their faults, they were at least familiar faces. If they had stayed a few extra days, Paige would have had a safety blanket. A cushion. A reason why she hadn't gone out of her way to introduce herself to anybody on her floor. Her floor was strictly athletes, from all different sports, but Paige hadn't really met anybody yet. Her first official swim team practice wasn't until later in the week and Paige was saving all of her energy for that. Bonding with her teammates was more important. At least that's what Paige told herself.

Paige laid out the Stanford map on her thighs, her finger dragging a path from the bench where she currently was, back to her dormitory. It was on the other side of campus, at least a ten minute walk, but the day was nice and Paige never minded walking. She would have preferred to bike the distance but her parents hadn't the room to bring her bike on top of everything else they jam packed into their car.

Paige stood from the bench, folding her arms underneath her, attempting to make herself just as small as she seemed to feel. This was everything she had ever wanted. She had been dreaming of this place since she was old enough _to _dream.

And it was prettier and more picturesque than she ever could have imagined but something felt off. There was a nagging feeling in her stomach, preventing her from fully enjoying this. This was meant to be a new start. An opportunity to leave everything that happened to her in Pennsylvania behind. Meet new people, branch out, be her true self (if she could ever figure out exactly who that was). But every time she allowed herself to think about that, her stomach fell down to her toes and all she felt was a feeling she could only describe as dread.

Paige had let her mind wander, unable to stop her thoughts from racing, and hadn't been paying attention to where she was walking. She let her feet move on autopilot, taking her wherever they may. Her eyes were trained on the ground, a habit from high school she found particularly difficult to break. She watched her feet move across the paved sidewalk beginning to count her steps, another habit from high school.

God, how could she expect herself to be a different, better, person, when all she seemed to do was fall back into old habits?

Paige's walk led her almost to the opposite side of campus, landing her directly in front of a lake. The shore was shrouded by trees whose leaves were being shaken by the wind. Below the tree line, there was a large rock lodged right against the shore, extended out just a touch into the water. The small waves that crashed ashore hit the rock sharply, ricocheting right off of it. Paige was instantly captivated by the the natural way of the water. She moved toward the rock, sitting on the edge of the rock, kicking off her flip flops. She let her toes dangle into the water, shocked by how cold the water was against her toes. She slowly submerged the rest of her feet in the water.

With her feet submerged in the water, she finally felt comfortable. At home. She smiled to herself, knowing that no matter where she was, as long as there was water she would be _fine_.

She let the thoughts of her parents, her anxiety about school and socializing fading away as she let herself enjoy the feeling of water on her toes.

The sun was beginning to peek through the leaves of the tree and Paige turned her head up toward it, allowing the brightness to touch every inch of her face. The sun was beaming down on her, not a single cloud in the sky. She felt a real, genuine smile sneak its way across her mouth. Paige grinned up toward the sky, deciding in that moment, she was _ready _for this, despite the drop in her stomach when she thought so.

Paige McCullers was living her dream.

And she was ready to show Stanford what she was made of.

* * *

The building looked exactly like it did in the brochure. Her dorm, structurally, was one of the oldest on campus and there were vines climbing up the sides, giving it a rustic feel that made her heart skip a beat. She stared up at it, feeling the nervousness and terror begin to set in. "It's….so big." Was all she could think of to say, every other word dying on her lips. She looked at her mother out of the corner of her eye. Mrs. Fields had come to stand next to her while Emily was marveling at the sheer size of the place. Her mom smiled up at her, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder and squeezing.

"You'll be fine, Em. Better than fine. You'll be great." Her mother reassured with another comforting smile before heading back to the car to grab a box. She was late in moving in. She was supposed to arrive two days prior but she had gotten caught up in saying goodbye to her friends and her (now ex) girlfriend. It was difficult to leave them behind and say goodbye, knowing that they wouldn't be a short bike ride or walk away from her. Luckily, Hanna was attending school in Los Angeles, so she was within driving distance but it still wasn't the same as having her friend only an arm's length away.

Saying goodbye to Maya had been much more difficult. Emily loved her, with her whole heart, but Maya had been less than supportive of Emily's choice to attend school across the country. They fought and fought about it, Maya berating Emily for wanting to travel cross-country without her. Emily retorting by saying that Stanford had offered her a full ride and she'd be a fool to turn it down. It was how they spent the whole summer, arguing back and forth, each fight leaving Emily more and more exhausted than the last. Emily had been ready to try long distance and make it work with Maya, the love she felt for the girl and the memories of just how happy and free she felt at the start of their relationship kept her holding on. But the fighting was too much, for both of them. Emily knew, deep down, that when she went to Stanford, their fighting wasn't going to stop. If anything it would get worse. So Emily broke it off. It was one of the hardest things that Emily ever had to do and her heart ached in her chest just thinking about it.

She spent most of the ride out to Stanford staring out the window, listening to the playlist Maya had made for her early in their relationship, trying to keep the ache at bay. Her parents tried to pull her out of the funk, reminding her all of the exciting things she would get to do once she finally arrived. Eventually their excitement for her became contagious and she could feel a smile grow on her face, the excitement of finally, _finally _being there taking over before long.

Emily had been dreaming about Stanford for as long as she could remember. She worked her butt off all four years of high school to get the scouts here to notice her and for a while during senior year, she wasn't sure it had paid off. She got offer letters from Florida State, Pittsburgh, Danby, and UCLA, offering her various degrees of tuition coverage and then she finally got the envelope from Stanford. It was large, yellow and very official. She opened it and found not only that they wanted her, but they wanted her badly enough to offer her a full ride. She'd been riding that high ever since. The news was so big around Rosewood that she had gotten press coverage at her signing. Everybody in Rosewood knew now that Emily Fields was bigger than the small Pennsylvania town, and that felt really good.

She had been preparing for move in all summer long. Her boxes had been packed at the beginning of August, her anxiousness to arrive taking over. She'd had Spencer help her organize so her boxes were meticulously labeled down to the letter.

And now she was here.

It was exhilarating and nerve-wracking and all other anxious feelings bundled into one big knot in her stomach. One that she was eager to undo.

This was a brand new start. Her clean slate. She could do anything she wanted with it.

Nobody here knew her. Nobody here knew the Emily Fields from Rosewood, who only ever seemed to shine in the pool. She could become someone, anyone, else here and nobody would even know. And Emily was sure the whole town of Rosewood could fit into Stanford's campus, which certainly didn't hurt.

Emily was startled from her thoughts when her Mom rested a hand on her shoulder. Emily turned, eyes wide. Her Mom was staring at her with a quirked eyebrow. "You going to give me a hand? Dad and I can't do this all by ourselves you know." Emily laughed.

"Yeah, sorry. Here, give me that one. It's heavy." She reached underneath and grabbed the box from her Mother's grip before she had a chance to argue. Her Mom's mouth was hanging half open, her eyes lit up with amusement. Emily felt a pang in her heart, realizing that the cost of her new start here was her family. She was used to only seeing her father sporadically, his position in the Army forcing him out of Pennsylvania and sometimes out of the United States. But Emily and her Mom always had each other. They were each other's crutches. Countless times, Emily had stroked her mother's hair while the woman cried into her lap. They were exceptionally close, closer than most, and it struck Emily just how much she was going to miss her Mother.

She would miss her father too, but Emily felt like she always missing him. He was away from her more than he was with her and she was used to the ache in her heart and the part of her that felt missing. Missing him would be nothing new to her but missing her Mom, leaving her Mom alone to deal with missing _her _was an extremely difficult thought to stomach.

Emily was scared; and she could readily admit that. This was a huge change and Emily didn't like change, of any size. She was a girl who liked to follow a routine and moving across the country was one of the biggest changes she would ever experience. She knew that, and she thought she had prepared for it, but being here, with all of her things, finally cemented the fact that she was now _living _in California. This was home now, and she had to get used to the fact that home no longer included her family.

From behind her, Emily heard her parents gently teasing each other, her father attempting to take a box from her mom, just as Emily had done, her mother arguing with him, laughing.

She loved those two, and she vowed not to let the distance rip their relationships apart.

Together the three of them managed to get all of Emily's boxes out of the car and into her dorm room. She lived on the fifth floor of her building and it took a fair amount of maneuvering to get all of her things up to her room. She lived at the end of her hall, furthest away from the elevator, but the room itself had a killer view of the campus and the lake. Emily and her parents moved the bed so it was resting right next to the big bay window, giving her a clear view of everything right down below her. The more settled she got into her room, the more the knot in her stomach seemed to unravel. She already loved it here and she was going to thrive. There was no doubt about that.

But before she knew it, her room was unpacked and there was no longer a reason for her parents to be there. The sun was beginning to set on the day. She was exhausted, the time change taking its toll on her. She was standing in the middle of her room, her parents lingering by the door.

Her mom spoke first. "Well. That's everything." She stated reluctantly. Emily nodded her head in response. She could already feel that knot her in stomach returning. Her father took a step toward her, opening his arms. Emily rushed into them immediately. She tucked her head underneath his chin, breathing in his scent for one last time. He kissed the top of her head, moving his hands and placing them on her cheeks. He grinned at her.

"I'm so proud of you, baby girl." He whispered to her. Emily gave him a watery smile in response, unable to form words or stop the tears from trickling out of her eyes. He reached across her cheek and wiped the tears out from her eyes. "Hey, no tears." She nodded, the tears still falling from her eyes. He laughed, pulling her back in close to him. He kissed the top of her head one more time before moving backward and letting her mom take her turn. Emily couldn't even muster half a smile before the tears started trickling down her cheeks. Her mother wrapped her arms tightly around her, stroking her hair. She whispered lowly into her ear,

"Oh baby, we are so, so, so proud of you, you know that right? You're everything we've ever dreamed of and more. We couldn't be prouder that you're our daughter." Emily blinked twice, pushing as many tears out of her eyes as she possibly could. That meant more to her than she could ever articulate, her mind immediately flashing back to a year ago when she first came out to her family and things were _nothing _like this. She felt an overwhelming sense of relief when she realized just how far they had come in a year.

"I love you, Mom." She whispered back before pulling away. Her parents stood together in front of her, both beaming at her in clear pride and she could feel in the air just how proud they were of her. It was an amazing feeling. She felt like she could float. Emily gave both of her parents one more kiss on the cheek, another goodbye and ushered them out of the door, watching them disappear behind the corner before she shut the door. She slowly walked over to her bed and looked out of the window, watching the sunset over the lake. The view took her breath away. God, she was so lucky to be here. To be living her dream.

Emily watched the sunset, the orange light quickly blending into black. Emily was fast asleep before the last of the orange finally left the sky.

* * *

**August 15****th****, 2011.**

Swimming was something Paige was always certain about. It was something she was certain she was good at, something that was always there for her. The water, even on the worst of days, never failed to make her feel better. The smell of chlorine had long since begun to smell like home to her.

She scoped out the Stanford natatorium her second day on campus, her eagerness to see the space that would become her new home overtaking her. She had been there alone. She stood with her feet just over the edge of deck. She was eager to jump in. Swimming was everything to Paige – her entire life. She had been swimming competitively since she was six years old. All Paige had ever _known _was swimming. And she was damn good at it. She wouldn't have been here without a scholarship if she wasn't. Paige never had any time to do anything else. Her high school social life was non-existent. She went straight from home, to school, to the pool, home, sometimes to another pool, and then bed. That was it. Her father made it that way. He wanted Paige to focus on swimming and nothing else.

She didn't resent him for it. He did it for her own good. She knew that. Mostly.

The pool, at least, made sense to Paige. Pools, while they had some very minor differences, were essentially the same everywhere. They all had the same chlorinated water, the same width of lanes, and the same distance to the bottom. The pool was consistency.

She didn't want to go in, not yet, but it was enough to just be by the water. It did wonders to calm her down. Paige knew, without a doubt, swimming was what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. She _had _to go pro. There was nothing else out there for her. Swimming was all she was good at.

Stanford was just her starting point. The first leg of the race. Get through her four years swimming for Stanford, healthy, and hopefully at the top of the rankings, and then pursue a professional swimming career. Winning gold at the Olympics was the big dream but she knew she had to take baby steps first. Stanford was just the beginning of the road.

Her first official swim team practice was the Monday after Paige moved in. She didn't sleep well the night before, the sounds of both her floor mates eagerly getting to know each other and her the anxious ball in her stomach prevented her eyes from closing for any more than an hour at a time. But Paige was used to running on little sleep. She'd been having trouble sleeping for years. A good, restful night's sleep for her was about five solid, uninterrupted hours. She always considered herself lucky if she got that.

She was one of the first girls at the pool. Practice started at 7am, Paige was there by 6:15. She threw all of her things in a locker close to the middle of the row, grabbed her necessities and made her way out to the deck. The only other person on deck was a lifeguard who looked like they came from work straight from the grave. Paige walked over. "Is it alright if I go in?" She asked, sizing up the hunched over guy who had sunglasses on inside. He just gave her a wave and a mumbled, "sure". _Hungover. He must be hungover_. Paige realized, a feeling of discomfort settling in her stomach. Part of her wanted to lecture him, tell him that it was completely unsafe for him to be guarding while hungover, that multiple human lives were in his hands. The other, more dominant part, reminded her that this was none of her business. The chances of her, or anyone else on the team, drowning were slim to none and it didn't _really_ matter if he was hungover. She simply gave him a curt nod and walked over to the diving blocks. She dipped her cap in the water and filled it before pulling it over her head. She adjusted her goggles against her eyes, hopping up on the diving block. She leaned forward, her feet automatically finding the correct position. One foot forward, toes curled over the edge of the block, the other a few inches back, flat against the block. She stretched her arms up behind her, her hands grasping each other behind her back. They came down, grasping the edge of the block on either side of her front foot. She pulled back, releasing her hands and pushed off of the block.

She hit the water in one smooth line. With minimal splashing, she happily noted to herself. Within moments, Paige lost herself in the water. Her feet were doing most of the work, her strokes long and light. She loved this. Swimming without pressure. She didn't have to worry about her times or beating the girl in the next lane. Not right now.

She lost track of time in the water. She was completely lost in her head. She hadn't noticed that people had started to fill in until she started to hear voices outside of the pool. Paige climbed out, seeing a few other girls in Stanford University bathing suits gathering on the benches. Paige pulled her cap off, sticking it and her goggles under her bathing suit strap. Her towel, she realized, was nowhere in sight. After looking around the perimeter of the pool multiple times, Paige realized she must have left it in her bag. With her head down, she walked back into the locker room. She wasn't actively trying to avoid making eye contact with her other teammates. She just felt…intimidated. They were all good swimmers. That's why they were here. Paige knew she was good too. She wouldn't be here if she wasn't. But something about the years of experience they had on her caused her to want to keep her head down. At least for now.

Paige turned the corner of the row of lockers her things were in. Immediately she noticed two girls standing right next to her locker, smiling and giggling together. Paige felt her heartbeat quicken. That laugh. She could recognize it anywhere. Paige tried to open the locker and get her towel as quickly as she possibly could, as silently as she could. _Please don't turn around, please don't turn around, please don't turn around_. Paige thought to herself. Unfortunately, the locker made much more noise than she had anticipated. The girl with long brown hair standing closest to Paige turned around. Paige noted the look of shock in her eyes. Paige attempted to smile, though it came out more like a grimace. "Fields." She said sharply. The girl stood there, her mouth opening and closing a few times before she forced out a,

"McCullers." Paige looked the girl up and down once before she slammed the locker door shut and turned away.

Emily Fields. Best swimmer at Rosewood High and her biggest rival. Emily and Paige had been swimming against each other for three years. Between them, they split almost equal amounts of wins and losses. Emily had been Paige's best motivation. It always felt better to win against Emily.

But there had always been something else about Emily Fields. Something that made Paige's heart race and her stomach drop into her toes. Something Paige refused to put a name to. Something she buried deep down inside of her.

She was flustered now. Her cheeks were beet red and her heart still refused to stop beating a million times per minute. _How _could one person have such a profound effect on her? And a person like Emily Fields at that. The only thing Emily should be able to bring out in Paige was her competitiveness. And it wasn't as if Paige didn't know Emily would be here. Emily's full ride to Stanford had been big news. Big enough to get a spread in every local newspaper. It was big enough news to make Paige ache with jealousy. She had gotten a scholarship too. While it wasn't quite a full ride it was almost there. But no one gave a shit about almost. That was something Paige quickly realized.

Her mind was still buzzing when she returned to the deck. She found an open space near the edge of the bench. She sat down quickly. The coach was getting ready to start speaking and Paige needed to clear her head. She had to get her mind off of Emily Fields.

It was only once the coach started talking that she realized she still didn't have her towel.

* * *

Emily woke the morning of her first practice two hours early. Her thoughts had been racing a mile a minute and she couldn't will herself to fall back to sleep.

Emily was a nervous wreck and she had no problem admitting it. She was the new kid. She had never been the new kid. She went to school with the same people her entire life. From kindergarten to senior year. She'd been friends with the same people, hated the same people, and grown up with the same people. She had never felt out of her element. She had always been comfortable. The only time she ever pushed herself was in the pool. But even then, she only pushed herself so far. She never put herself out of her comfort zone. People say that college is the place to do that, to test your limits and find out what you're truly capable of. Emily could only hope that was true.

She left for the pool at 6:30. She had walked to the natatorium the previous day, just so she knew the way. She didn't want to get lost and end up late for her first practice. She knew exactly where she was going and had even picked out her locker so there were no surprises waiting for her. The locker room was bustling with fellow swimmers that Emily exchanged friendly smiles with. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar she reminded herself. She didn't have anyone here yet and she was eager to change that.

Emily located the locker she had chosen herself. It was in the middle of the row. She'd chosen that locker on purpose, hoping that she would be surrounded and have an excuse to talk to the people next to her. There was one girl standing in front of the locker to the right of hers. Emily dropped her bag on the bench and moved her fingers to the combination lock she had put on her locker the previous night. The girl next to her looked up and shot Emily a smile, which she graciously returned. The girl turned toward her, her eyebrows already raised.

"I was wondering who put the lock on the empty locker. Guess I have my answer." Emily blushed, looking down at the lock that was currently resting in her hand.

"I didn't want anyone to take it." She mumbled, a little bit embarrassed. The girl beside her laughed.

"Prepared. I like it. I'm Reagan." She stuck her hand out for Emily to shake.

"I'm Emily. Nice to meet you." Emily shook her hand quickly. She dropped Reagan's hand and opened the locker, tossing her bag into it.

"You a freshman?" Emily looked up. She nodded her head while unzipping her sweater.

"Yeah." Emily grabbed her hair and began pulling it back into a long ponytail.

"Knew I didn't recognize your face. You enjoying yourself so far?" Emily nodded, shrugging her sweater off.

"I haven't done much. Just walked around campus and tried to figure out where all of my classes are but everything's so big and spread out, I just ended up getting lost. Twice." Emily responded, letting out a little laugh at herself. Reagan laughed as well though her next words came out sympathetically.

"I did the same thing. I got lost about eight times on my first day of classes. I even ended up in the wrong lecture. It was horrifying. There's nothing like expecting to hear a biology lecture in English and getting an advanced level German lecture instead." Reagan joked. Emily snorted, laughing loudly.

"That's horrible! I would have been so embarrassed. Did you stay?" Emily asked, turning her complete attention to Reagan.

"Oh yeah. I was sitting in the front row and the professor totally would have noticed me leaving. I did learn how to say about six swear words in German that day though so it wasn't a complete bust." Reagan replied, smiling brightly at Emily. Reagan was tall. Taller than Emily and that was a feat considering Emily was 5'11". The girl had to be at least 6'2" and had the build of a basketball player rather than a swimmer, but Emily supposed the extra height gave her an advantage in the water. She looked older than Emily. She had to be at least a junior. Emily lowered her eyes, realizing she had been staring at Reagan, sizing her up. Reagan hadn't seemed to notice. She brought her attention back to Reagan's previous comment, laughing lightly but Reagan looked like she had been distracted. Her attention had been diverted to something behind Emily. Emily heard the opening of a locker behind her and turned around, her eyes finding a very familiar face behind her. Emily's eyes widened in clear surprise.

"Fields." Was the only word uttered from the brunette by the locker. Emily blinked a few times, wondering if this was some kind of insomnia induced mirage. When she realized the girl was in fact there, and standing right in front of her no less, she attempted to collect herself.

"McCullers." Emily choked out, still in some kind of shock. The girl gave Emily a curt nod before turning on her heel and scurrying out to the pool. Emily stared at her retreating back, unable to believe her luck. Of all people in the world to end up at Stanford with, she had be with Paige McCullers. Emily finally turned back to Reagan, her head now in a completely different place.

"You know her?" Reagan asked interestedly. Emily nodded.

"Sort of. We swam against each other in high school." She replied, her mind still on Paige.

"Intense. You know she was coming here?" Emily shook her head.

"No." Emily was truly taken aback by Paige's appearance here at Stanford. She thought she would be rid of the pestering competitor once she left Rosewood. This was supposed to be her fresh start. How could she have that when she had a constant reminder of everything high school swimming next to her in the pool? She had to shake Paige McCullers off. She was pulled from her thoughts when Reagan spoke again.

"C'mon. Let's get out there. Coach is going to start her welcome speech soon and she makes you swim extra laps if you miss it." Emily nodded absent mindedly, her thoughts still on Paige.

The pair made their way out to the deck, Reagan explaining some things about how the Stanford team was run. Some of it was official stuff that Emily already knew, like there was practice every day, sometimes twice a day and they practiced through winter break most of the time, only getting a week off for Christmas and New Year's. Others were things more socially targeted. Reagan told Emily about the weekly get-togethers at one of their older teammates apartments with movies, beer, and really bad karaoke and the annual Christmas party the coach threw every year to make up for the fact that they were spending most of their break away from their families. She told Emily about the team bonding camping trip that was coming up at the end of September. With every word Reagan said, Emily felt more and more excited about the idea that she would actually be a part of this. At Rosewood, she and her teammates were never close. It was typically Emily vs. the rest of the team. They were, and she hated to say this, jealous. She was easily the best swimmer on the Rosewood team. Nobody even came close to touching her times. This resulted in her being isolated from them and focusing entirely on herself when she was at practice, which proved to beneficial in the long run. She had no competition on her own team. Her only true competition came in the form of Paige McCullers, who swam for Oakwood. Emily was always motivated to beat Paige, though they only swam against each other a few times a year. Now she was surrounded by swimmers who were just as good, if not better, than Emily was. Girls who knew the value of hard work and determination. Girls who still cared about each other even if they were competition. The thought was exciting. And if half of the girls were as nice to her as Reagan was, Emily knew she would find her niche in their little family before long.

Reagan stopped to high five or fist bump some of the girls sitting on the bench and made sure Emily got introduced to them all properly. They all seemed nice, giving her a bright smile and a hello when Reagan introduced her. She could only hope things stayed that way.

The pair of them found a spot near the edge of the bench. Paige was sitting on the opposite side of Reagan, her eyes trained down on her feet. Her arms were folded and her hands were hugging her sides. She was hunched over with hair falling directly in front of her face. She was trying to make herself look small. Emily was about to open her mouth to say something when the coach appeared in front of them and began her speech. Emily snapped her mouth closed and turned her attention the coach, attempting to put all thoughts of Paige McCullers out of her head.

The coach's speech didn't take too much time. It was short, quick, and to the point, which Emily appreciated because she was eager to get into the water. The coach pointed to the line of whiteboards on the wall underneath the lane numbers and instructed them to find the lane with their name on it. She told them that she took their best time from last season and put them in lanes according to their own records and nothing else. Emily walked over to the wall and began searching for her name on the lists. She finally found it. In lane 4. With Paige. Of course. The pair of them fell in the middle of the time spectrum. Fast, but not fast enough to swim with the best on the team. Emily understood that. They were new after all. She felt honored to be put this high at all, considering the coach had never actually seen her swim. Paige on the other hand, looked like she had been smacked in the face when she saw her name on the lane 4 list. Emily glanced at her out of the corner of her eye just in time to catch her face fall. Emily watched Paige deflate, as if someone popped her like a balloon. Emily didn't understand how Paige could be disappointed. They were freshman! Most of the other freshman, from what Emily could tell, were in the higher numbered lanes. They should consider themselves lucky to be in this low of a lane. Paige caught Emily's eye and Emily looked away, turning around to line up behind the girl already sitting on the block. Emily's eyes scanned the deck looking for Reagan. She was over in lane 2 and she gave Emily a supportive smile and a small wave. Emily smiled back before she turned her attention to the coach, who had blown her whistle to get their attention.

"Alright ladies. Give me 4 100's freestyle. Flip turns are mandatory and no stopping. You have a 30 second rest between each 100 and no more. No time limit on these, since it's only the first day, but no slacking off! Each time the girl behind you touches your feet or passes you, you get an extra 100 tacked onto your cool down. First swimmer on the block!" The coach blew her whistle again and the girls climbed onto their blocks. Emily turned her head behind her, only to find that Paige was standing directly behind her. _Great_, Emily thought to herself. She was sure that Paige was going to give her hard time and try to pass her at every available opportunity. Paige caught Emily looking and gave her a smirk. _There we go, _Emily thought, _that's the Paige I know. _Paige gestured to the block, which was recently vacated.

"You're up, Highness." Paige stated, never taking her eyes off of Emily. Emily narrowed her eyes, glaring at her with as much contempt as she could muster. She snapped her head around and stepped onto the block, just barely getting into position before the coach blew the whistle.

Emily flew through the water, her arms moving quickly and her feet moving even faster. She wouldn't let Paige catch her. Oh no. She wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

By the time Emily had finished her first 100, she was completely out of breath. Paige was about eight strokes behind her but that wasn't enough. She wanted to be noticeably ahead. So Emily didn't even wait for the full 30 seconds before she pushed off of the wall again.

Emily finished all 4 of her 100s quickly. Paige finished about ten full strokes behind Emily, who was out of the water and standing behind the block when Paige finally touched the wall. Emily smiled to herself. Paige came out of the water looking downright murderous, her glare at Emily stronger and fiercer than before the set started. As Paige was walking past, she bumped Emily purposely on the shoulder. Hard. Emily ground her teeth, making a solid attempt to keep her anger at bay. There was no way she would going to scream at Paige right at the beginning of their first practice. So Emily stood there with her hands on her hips, waiting for the coach to provide instruction for the next set. The entire time Emily felt the heat of Paige's eyes glaring into her back.

The rest of the practice continued in much of the same fashion. Emily swimming her hardest, keeping her spot as second in line, and Paige glaring at her and throwing the occasional barb her way. Emily did her best to just ignore her, her teeth taking the brunt of the abuse. She was going to have to start wearing her night guard again if this kept up.

Finally, two hours and ten minutes later, the practice finished and the girls were released into the locker room. Emily grabbed her towel from the bench and wrapped it around her torso. She pulled off her cap and hair tie, letting her hair fall freely down her back. She ran a hand through it and attempted to get the knots out before it dried. Reagan came up next to her, grabbing her own towel, and grinning at Emily. "Tough first practice, huh?" Emily shrugged.

"Wasn't too bad. A little tiring but nothing I can't handle." Emily replied with a grin of her own. Reagan laughed, clapping Emily's shoulder, which caused her to wince. Reagan raised an eyebrow.

"Injury already?" She asked as the pair of them started to head into the locker room. Emily shook her head.

"No. Just McCullers. She shoved me pretty hard after our first set. It's a little tender but nothing an ice pack and some HGTV won't cure." She replied, rolling her shoulder. Reagan wrinkled her nose.

"She's getting physical with you and it's only the first practice? _What_ is wrong with her?" Reagan exclaimed, opening her locker and retrieving her own brush from it.

"Nothing! She's just really competitive. Always has been. It's nothing I'm not used to." Emily replied. She opened her own locker and pulled her bag from it, tossing her cap and goggles into the open side pocket.

"You two are teammates now. She's got to get that through her head." Reagan reminded Emily, who just shrugged her shoulders, going into the bathrooms to brush her hair. When she returned, Paige had finally entered the locker room and was gathering up her things to change. Emily kept her eyes down and avoided any unnecessary contact. The pair of them changed with their backs to each other, Emily maintaining a conversation with Reagan, who kept shooting daggers with her eyes at Paige over Emily's shoulder. Reagan finished changing before Emily and was about to leave before she turned around. "Oh! Em, I almost forgot. Some of the girls and I are going to a party tonight. The boys team is borrowing the Kappa Sigma house for the night since none of them are around yet. You should come." Emily grinned, her mood immediately picking up.

"Definitely. What time?" Emily asked, continuing to put her things into her bag.

"The party starts at 10. We're going to help them set up since they're pretty useless and will probably be drunk before the party even starts so we're going to head over at 9:30. What building do you live in? I can swing by and pick you up." Reagan offered. Emily told her what dorm she was in and put her phone number in Reagan's phone in case of any change in plans. "Awesome. See you tonight!" Reagan waved goodbye and left Emily and Paige alone in the locker room. The space between them immediately became tense. The silence was awkward and palpable. Paige looked up at Emily who was trying to shove her towel into her already full bag.

"You can call off your watchdog next time. As much as she tries, she can't actually kill me with her glare." Paige remarked bitterly. Emily sighed. She turned around to face Paige, suddenly extremely angry.

"Listen. We don't have to be friends. I think it's pretty clear we're never _going_ to be friends. But we do have to try and be civil to each other. We're teammates now. Bumping into me and trying to intimidate me isn't going to work anymore." Emily burst out. Emily was already sick of this. Paige had always treated her like crap. Even during the one year they swam together at Rosewood. Emily's hands were braced on her hips. She felt anger flow through her veins, her eyes alight with fire. Paige at least had the decency to look shocked.

"Sure. Whatever." Paige mumbled. Emily continued to stare at her, daring her to look away first. She did, which surprised Emily. She had never knew Paige McCullers to back down first. Or to back down at all. Emily faltered. She didn't expect this to be so _easy_.

"I-really? I mean, good. Truce then?" Emily recovered, sticking her hand out for Paige to shake. Paige looked at it as if it were infected before grabbing it lightly and letting it go almost as quickly.

"Fine. Truce." Paige turned around again, digging through her bag. Emily still didn't feel right. She had won this battle, and she had won it easily. It left her feeling uneasy and is if the conversation was still unfinished. Before she could change her mind, Emily said,

"You should come to that party tonight. The one Reagan just invited me to. I think most of the team is going to be there. It could be fun." Paige looked up, her eyebrows raised.

"I thought you said we're not going to be friends." Paige reminded Emily, who just shrugged.

"We're not. That wasn't a friendly invitation. Just a, we're teammates who are going to _share _friends invitation. It's kind of like an experiment. To see if we can be in the same space without attacking each other." Emily rambled. Paige just stared at her blankly. Finally, she shrugged, pulling her bag up onto her shoulder.

"Maybe." She replied shortly before turning and walking out of the locker room, leaving Emily staring at her retreating back.

She was starting to realize that Paige McCullers, and her damn mood swings, was never going to make any sense to her.

* * *

Paige hurriedly left the locker room, wanting to be as far away from Emily as fast as possible. Practice had been absolute torture for her. It was easy, Paige realized, to fall back into old habits without even realizing it. Paige had spent the majority of her high school swim meets antagonizing and, if she was being honest, bullying Emily. It was harder than Paige realized to shake that. She didn't _want _to be the same girl she was in high school. That was the whole reason she came here. To be far away from home and be somewhere where she could make a fresh start. Emily made that impossible.

Paige had regretted bumping into Emily's shoulder as soon as it happened. Her competitiveness and her anger about Emily beating her had gotten the better of her. It was something she knew she had to work on. But falling back into that headspace was easy and she continued on that same familiar path the entire practice.

She was surprised when Emily spoke to her in the locker room. She was taken aback because Emily never retaliated. Not in high school. Paige never expected Emily to finally bark back. And when she did, when Paige saw that fire light up in her eyes, her stomach dropped to her toes and her heart raced. Seeing Emily angry and heated just did something to Paige. She was too busy trying to calm her racing heart to come up with a witty retort and part of her wondered what it would be like not to hate Emily. Not to try and get a rise out of her at every opportunity. So she agreed. Emily had been surprised and frankly Paige had been too. But what Emily said had been true. They were teammates now. They weren't competitors, at least not in a direct sense, and while they were here their teammates were their family. Paige wasn't about to fuck up her only chance at making friends because of some petty rivalry with an old high school competitor.

That didn't stop her from teasing Emily though. Paige wanted to to go that party. In fact, Paige had already been invited. One of the girls she had started talking to during practice had mentioned it and invited Paige but she wasn't about to tell Emily that. Let her think she was the reason Paige was coming. It would help their newly minted truce.

Paige's mind was filled a thousand different thoughts, all of them swarming her head at an alarming rate. But there was one thought at the forefront of her brain.

What the hell was she going to wear?

**A/N: Whew! Long chapter there (: And Paige and Emily finally meet! Next chapter will be in the future again and probably won't be as long (though I didn't anticipate this chapter ending up being 8000+ words so you never know!) I do start working on Monday and I work 11 hour days, 5 days a week so I can't really give an estimate as to when the next chapter will be up but hopefully within the week! A few more housekeeping notes. I believe I mentioned that this story will be alternating between past and present/future and I'd like to clarify some things with that. The order won't necessarily be every other chapter because one part of their story is considerably longer than the other. One part tells the story of their college romance, their build up, and their fall apart, which spans the full four years they're in college together. The second part is the story of how they find each other again, which spans only about two months. While all of it is going to be slow burn and hopefully well paced, there's a chance there will be more back-to-back chapters of their college story only because it spans more time (: I hope that made sense! If not, just let me know and I'll try and clarify some more! As always, reviews would be lovely! I'd love to know what you all are thinking. And I do have a muse/inspiration tag on my tumblr (which is fifteendivision) for this story in case you'd like to see potentially where I'm taking this. I also post updates about how the writing process is coming along so follow at your own leisure! **


	4. August 26th, September 3rd and 6th, 2020

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to I. Marlene King and Sara Shepard!**

**August 26****th****, 2020.**

Anna begged her not to send the invitation. They had been lying in bed together, Anna's head resting in the nook of Paige's collar bone, and Paige drawing circles on Anna's arm when Paige brought it up. In retrospect, bringing up her ex-girlfriend after making love to her current fiancée had not been Paige's brightest idea.

She looked up at Paige those wide blue eyes Paige had fallen in love with, filled with tears and said, "Don't send it. Please don't send it. I know you promised her and I know how much that promise means to you but I'm begging you not to send it." And Paige almost broke. She almost gave in. But she couldn't. She _owed _this to Emily. She owed her closure. She owed herself the very same thing.

The breakup was close to five years ago and it had long since stopped hurting the way it used to. Anna helped with that. But Paige never forgot the promise she made to Emily the last night they spent together. Most of that night was hazy for her. She remembered only bits and pieces, everything else disappearing into some kind of emotional void. The memory of the promise they shared was her only truly clear memory of that night and something she carried with her every day of her life.

She supposed it was possible that there was something to be said about the fact that when Anna finally said 'yes', one of the the first things Paige thought was that the door was now officially closed on she and Emily.

Paige knew how Anna felt about Emily. Anna knew all of the dirty details regarding Emily and her relationship with Paige. Paige hadn't kept anything from her. The two of them had met a time when Paige _needed _somebody to listen to her. When she was broken with half of her pieces still lying on the floor of Emily's apartment. Anna had put her back together and for that Paige would be eternally grateful but she couldn't give Anna this.

She had to keep her promise.

She took the invitation from the box when Anna wasn't looking. She got Emily's current address from Reagan Reid, a mutual friend she and Emily still shared. It was the first time in years Paige had spoken to Reagan about Emily. When the two of them had broken up, for good, Paige had begged Reagan to keep any information she might have had about Emily to herself. That it was better for the both of them if Paige had no clue where Emily was, what she was doing, or who she was doing it with. Reagan had kept her word and the two of them never discussed Emily together until now.

It wasn't surprising to Paige that Emily was still in California. Emily had always made it quite clear that California was where she belonged.

Anna had been away at a conference for work when Paige decided to finally send the invitation. Paige knew she wouldn't be able to stand looking into Anna's eyes before she sent it. If she did she would back out. So she waited until Anna was safely away in some suburb of Chicago. She down at at her desk, putting the pictures of she and Anna face down on the desk. She let her pen hover just over the paper. She couldn't just send the invitation on its own. She had to say something. Anything. This was it. This was their closure and it had to be done right.

Everything she thought of to say fell somewhere between too heartfelt and too bitter to send. Part of her wanted to write a long winded letter, writing out all of the feelings she had kept to herself for the past five years. Part of her just wanted to write, Thanks. For all of the good years and the happy memories she gave her. Thanks for letting her go when it was clear all Emily wanted to do was hold on. Thanks for being the first person to ever hear her out and listen to everything she had to say. Thanks for being the best first love someone could ever ask for. But all of that was too much.

Finally, she decided to keep it simple. Short and to the point. The way Paige knew Emily liked things. _I had to keep this promise_ was all she wrote.

It wasn't much but it was enough. It had to be.

When it was finally sent, along with the rest of the invitations, Paige broke down. She cried over Emily Fields for the first time in years in her fiancée's arms. Her heart, which had been put back together carefully with scotch tape, super glue, and glasses of gin, burst again. That night was long and Paige cried for nearly four hours straight until there were no more tears left for her to cry.

Then, she had to ask Anna to put her back together one more time.

After that last night, Paige vowed to put Emily Fields in a box, away for good. Paige had given them both the closure they desperately needed and now they were finished. Permanently. Emily Fields was nothing more than a former teammate and friend.

She couldn't keep doing this to herself and more importantly, she couldn't keep doing this to Anna.

* * *

**September 2****nd****, 2020.**

Emily was curled into a ball on her living room couch when her roommate came home.

Emily's stare was blank, her hands clutching the sides of the invitation. She had picked it up off of the floor, her fingers tracing the letters of Paige's name. When her fingers finally got tired, she stared at it until all of the words started to blend together and blur from the tears clouding her vision. It was over. They were over. Done. Finished. Forever.

A pair of comforting arms slid around Emily's shoulders and Emily relaxed into them. "Oh, Em. I'm so sorry." Came the whispered words of comfort from her roommate, Hanna. Emily let out a choked sob.

"It's over, Han. It's really over. She-she's getting married." Emily forced out between sobs. Hanna stroked her shoulders, whispering comforting words into Emily's hair as she cried.

"I know, Em. But you knew this was coming. You two haven't been together in a really long time." Hanna gently reminded. The reminder only caused another wave of tears to crash over Emily.

"It hurts so much, Han. I never thought I'd feel like this again." Emily mumbled into Hanna's shoulder. And that was true. Emily had encouraged Paige to move on. She knew this was coming. She had spent years preparing for it. But this, this invitation hit her like a tornado and all it left in its path was complete and utter destruction. Hanna kept her arms wrapped securely around Emily until her tears finally subsided. Once Hanna heard Emily's sobs quiet, she carefully asked,

"Em, I hate to ask this but. What are you going to do? Are you going to go?" Emily tightly shut her eyes, trying to picture Paige standing at the end of the aisle, dressed sharply in one of her favorite suits, watching a girl who _wasn't _Emily walk toward her. Looking at her like Emily always dreamed she would look at her when she walked down the aisle to meet her. The thought sent a shudder down her spine and a nauseous feeling to her stomach. She clenched her teeth, sitting up against the pillows behind her back. Slowly, she nodded.

"I have to. I won't be able to let her go until I see her say I do to someone else. I-If I don't go I'll never stop holding on." Emily admitted. Hanna's eyes softened, a familiar look of pity entering them. Emily had to turn away. She had gotten that look, over and over again in the past five years, and she was sick of it.

"I'll come with you." Hanna decided. Emily tried to protest but Hanna shook her head. "No Em, you don't have a choice here. If I don't go, you might make a bad decision and I won't have that on my conscience." Emily only sighed and nodded.

"Fine. There was an rsvp card in the envelope if you want to fill out later. I don't think I can look at it." Emily muttered, tucking her legs underneath her. She looked haunted. Her eyes were emotionless and the bags underneath them were so dark it looked as if she hadn't slept in days. The emptiness of her eyes was nothing Hanna wasn't used to seeing. They hadn't lit up the way they used to in years. Not since Paige. Hanna knew how much Emily still cared for Paige. It was obvious to anybody who took two minutes to talk to her. Paige was the love of Emily's life. It pained Hanna to know that Emily _wasn't _the love of Paige's. Anything that made Emily break down like this stupid little invitation did pained Hanna. Emily was her best friend and she would stop at nothing to put some light back into the girls eyes. Even if that meant accompanying her to the wedding.

Hanna stood from her spot on the coach. She took the invitation from Emily's weak grip and brought it to the kitchen table with her. Hanna picked up a pen, ready to check yes in on the rsvp card when something gave her pause. She turned back toward Emily.

"Em, can I ask you something?" She said tentatively.

"Sure." Came the faint reply.

"If we go to this thing, do you promise me that you won't do anything to stop it?" Silence hung in the air after Hanna's question.

"Yeah, Han. I promise." Emily finally replied, her voice flat and emotionless. Hanna nodded, not completely convinced, but choosing to believe that Emily's moral compass was still in tact. Hanna stared down at the rsvp card. Hanna had a feeling that somehow, sending this rsvp card could change everything. Before she had a chance to overthink it, she checked the yes, I'll be attending box and indicated that a plus one would be attending as well. She stuck in her purse to mail off tomorrow before returning to her spot next to Emily on the couch. The girl still hadn't moved.

"You want me to get you anything? Tea? Tequila? Pay-per-view porn?" Hanna attempted to joke. Emily gave Hanna a halfhearted smile.

"No. Just. Sit here with me for a little while?" Emily asked, turning her broken eyes toward Hanna, who nodded, moving in closer to Emily. Emily rested her head on Hanna's shoulder and the pair stayed like that until Emily finally drifted off to sleep.

**September 3rd, 2020.**

The next morning, Emily woke to an empty living room and note on the table in front of her.

_Morning sleepyhead! I bought bagels and smoothies. Bagel's on the counter, smoothie's in the fridge. Oh, and I called into work for you. They know you're not coming in. RELAX TODAY! I mean it. Give yourself a pedicure. Use that weird head massager thing Aria bought you. Please._

_Hanna_

Emily felt a smile creep over her face. She was lucky to have a friend like Hanna, who jumped before Emily even had to say so. Hanna had been her rock since high school. Like Emily, Hanna had grown so much since they graduated high school and moved to California together. Emily had attended Stanford, Hanna UCLA. They were only a highway away from each other and that kept them close. Following Emily's breakup with Paige, Hanna asked Emily to move in with her so she didn't have to be alone. It was an invitation that Emily graciously accepted, knowing that if anybody would help her, it would be Hanna.

The agreement initially had been that Emily would stay with Hanna until her lease was up the following year or until she felt ready to get back on her feet. But then the end of Hanna's lease came and went and Emily still didn't feel ready to be on her own so the two rented another apartment together, where they had been living ever since. Hanna saw Emily through multiple breakdowns over the breakup, her father's heart attack, her father's funeral, PaigeGate 2017, and now this. Emily couldn't imagine having anybody else by her side through everything.

Emily glanced down to the clock on her phone, seeing two missed calls from her mother and a text from Hanna. Her mother never left any voicemails, not anymore, so Emily had no choice but to call her back to figure out what it was she wanted. Emily's leg was shaking gently underneath her as the dial tone rang through her ear. After the third ring, Emily heard a familiar, "Hello?"

"Hey Mom, it's me." Emily said into the phone.

"Emily! Thank god. I was starting to worry about you. Hanna called this morning, baby. She told me what happened. How are you?" Emily sighed. Of course. She bit down on her lip, taking a long, deep breath to calm herself down.

"I'm alright. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. How _are _you?" Emily attempted to divert her mother's attention. Her mother scoffed into the phone.

"Oh don't give me that. No trying to change the subject. Talk to me, baby." Her mother pleaded gently. Emily sighed, running a hand through her knotted hair. She winced as one of her fingers got stuck on a knot.

"There isn't anything to talk about Mom. She's getting married. I got the invitation. That's it." Emily replied shortly. She didn't want to think about this anymore.

"Well, are you going?!" She asked, her voice lilting up toward the end her question. Emily couldn't blame her Mother for asking her all of these questions. She was alone in their big house back in Rosewood. Her father had died of a heart attack close to three years ago and since then, Emily was the only person her Mother had to talk to. Emily felt a twinge of guilt for not being physically there for her mother – right now and immediately after her dad died. She had spent about a week in Rosewood for her father's funeral but she was out nearly as quickly as she came; leaving her mother alone to mourn her father. She was selfish, she could admit that, but being in the same town as Paige killed her. And after what happened between them after her father's funeral….she couldn't stay. She tried to convince her mother to go back to California with her, so she wouldn't be alone, but her mother was having none of it. She convinced Emily that she would be okay without her. So Emily had left. She called her mom every day, just to make sure she was still surviving. The loss of her father had been hard for both them. It still hit Emily hard some days, days when she saw soldiers out and about, days when she heard a joke that would have made her father laugh, days when she watches old re-runs of Family Guy and imagines her father next to her doing silly impressions. The ache in her heart was ever present and though it had been three years, it still hurt.

"I- yeah. I am. Hanna's coming with me." Emily replied, her voice low and shaky.

"Good. You need closure baby." Her mom cooed. Emily could hear the sympathy in her voice and it instantly made her want to hang up. She didn't _want _to be pitied. Not by Hanna and most certainly not by her mother. She could handle this. She'd survived almost five years without Paige. She could survive the rest of her life.

Probably.

"I don't _need _anything. I'm fine, really. I'm happy for her. She deserves to be happy." Emily stated, a note of finality in her voice.

"Of course she deserves to be happy. But so do you! And I hate seeing you, hearing you, like this. You're still so broken, baby and I want you to be happy." Her mother's voice was breaking and suddenly, Emily couldn't handle it anymore. She closed her eyes.

"I _am_ happy, Mom. Listen, I have to go. I made an appointment for a pedicure and I'm going to be late. I'll call you tomorrow." Emily said flatly, hanging up before her mother had a chance to get another word in. Her head collapsed against the back of the couch. The talk with her mom had drained her. Phone conversations with her mother had a funny way of making her feel wracked with guilt. She knew why she felt that way. Emily never forgave herself for leaving her mother alone in Rosewood. Emily should have stayed – she knew that and there isn't a day that goes by she doesn't regret her choice. But Emily was used to living with regret – it was a feeling she knew well.

Her head was spinning and though she had just woken up from a full night's sleep, she felt like she hadn't slept in days. Emily let her eyes flutter closed and slowly, she drifted back to sleep.

Emily was woken up by Hanna violently shaking her shoulder. "Em! Em! Wake up! Jesus, did you take a whole bottle of sleeping pills?" Hanna was mumbling to herself. Emily stirred, yawning.

"No need to cause an earthquake. I'm up." Emily muttered between yawns. Hanna stared at her with wide eyes, her hands on her hips.

"Did you sleep all day?" She exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air in clear exasperation. Emily shrugged.

"Didn't feel like moving. Too much effort." She replied shortly, another yawn coming from her mouth. Hanna shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"Scoot over. We have a skype date with Aria and Spencer, remember?" Hanna reminded Emily, whose eyes widened in clear shock.

"Shit! I completely forgot. I don't even have a bra on!" Emily squealed. Hanna laughed as she opened the computer and loaded skype.

"Like they care. We've all seen you in way less." She replied dismissively. Emily laughed, adjusting her hair over her shoulder. The skype screen loaded and Emily braced herself for another interrogation. She was sure that if Hanna had told her mother about the wedding, she had told their best friends as well. Spencer popped up on the screen first, still talking loudly into her Bluetooth. She held up a finger, rolling her eyes. Emily and Hanna both laughed, signaling for her to take her time. They were used to this. It was actually surprising that they even managed to get Spencer on the screen. The woman was normally so busy all she had time for was a quick hello. Spencer had gone to UPenn, like her family had wanted, and studied to become a lawyer. After completing law school, she went on to become the youngest partner at Hastings and Hastings law firm, working alongside of her mother. Emily was, undoubtedly, proud of what her best friend had accomplished so early in her life, but talking to Spencer always left Emily feeling a bit empty. Like she had done nothing of worth with her life. Spencer was accomplished. She'd checked off everything on her list of goals, meanwhile Emily was still living with her best friend, bouncing from job to job and extremely far away from doing any settling down.

Aria popped up on the screen next. She had her hair thrown up in a messy bun, her plaid shirt falling off her shoulder. She had lines of green strewn across her face and a four month old bouncing on her lap. Her eyes were wide with stress and Emily felt herself wince. God, poor Aria. If Spencer was the picture of career stability, Aria was the picture of familial stability. Emily shot a sympathetic grin at Aria who smiled halfheartedly in response. Spencer finally got off of her Bluetooth and Emily started the conversation off, waving at the screen, cooing at the baby in Aria's lap. "Do we have a special guest today?" Emily said with a smile. Seeing the baby in Aria's lap was the brightest part of her day so far. Aria rolled her eyes.

"I couldn't put her down. She would cry and cry if I tried to put her in the bassinette so here we are!" She grumbled. Hanna laughed from Emily's side.

"Whoa there, calm down Mrs. Fitz. Where's Ezra?" Cue another eye roll from Aria.

"At school. Again. You know, I think he might be living there. I swear his kids aren't going to remember his face." She bitterly replied. Aria had married Ezra shortly after she had graduated college. Aria had always dreamed of being a Mom so it was no surprise to any of them that Aria was pregnant within months of her wedding. She'd had she and Ezra's first child just after her 22nd birthday, a little boy named Connor. They waited a while, until Connor was in school, before trying for another baby but Aria wanted a big family. One wasn't going to be enough for her. Sure enough, Aria gave birth to their daughter, Alison, just four months ago. Aria had had a difficult time adjusting to being a stay at home mother of two and it was clear to all of her friends that she was about at her wits end. Her husband, Ezra, was a teacher at Rosewood High School and spent more time at school than he did with his family and it was killing Aria. It was written all over her face. As was Alison's lunch, apparently.

"Hire a nanny, Aria! Then you could get back to work and you wouldn't have all the stress of raising children on your shoulders." Spencer suggested.

"No. I don't want to miss anything this little girl does." Aria cooed down to her little girl, kissing her on the head as she gurgled happily, her fist in her mouth. Emily felt a familiar pang in her stomach. She envied Aria. The girl had gotten everything she wanted with the person that she wanted.

Emily tried not to think about the fact that _Paige _was about to get everything they had ever wanted….with someone else. Emily tried to focus all of her attention back to her friends, who had been discussing the pros and cons of Aria getting a nanny when Emily tuned out.

"What do you think, Em?" Aria asked, attempting to bring her into the conversation. Emily snapped her attention back to Aria's corner of the screen.

"I think…you should do what you want. If you want to stay at home and raise Ali, that's what you should do." Emily replied, hoping their conversation hadn't shifted topics yet. Aria smirked and Spencer and Hanna giggled in the background.

"We were actually talking about Hanna rearranging the living room." Emily blushed.

"Sorry. I zoned out. I'm here now." She replied, fixing her eyes completely on the screen. She noticed Aria's eyes softening and Spencer looking at Hanna. Here it comes.

"How are you doing, Emily?" Spencer asked. Emily sighed.

"I'm _fine_. I really wish people would stop asking me that." She grumbled, leaning back into the couch. She folded her arms over her stomach, a small pout coming to her lips.

"We're concerned. We know what's happening and we just want to make sure you're dealing with it." Aria reasoned, adjusting Alison on her lap. Emily shrugged.

"Did Hanna call you too?" Emily responded, aggravation peppering her tone. Hanna reached out with her elbow to jab Emily in the side, which she carefully avoided. Aria paused.

"I-no. I actually got an invitation of my own." She reluctantly replied. It shouldn't have surprised Emily. Rosewood had become Paige's territory again. Aria had been friendly with Paige since the two of them now lived in Rosewood together. Emily nodded slowly.

"Right. Of course. I'm fine. Really. Please don't worry about me. Any of you. I'll get through it." Emily practically begged them, not wanting her best friends to look at her and talk to her with the same pity she had already received from Hanna and her mother.

"Well, are you going?" Spencer asked, her eyebrow quirked in curiosity. Emily nodded. God, she was sick of answering that question.

"Yeah. Hanna sent in our rsvp card today." There was a long, silent pause.

"Hey! It'll be a reunion!" Spencer exclaimed, looking to break the uncomfortable silence. Emily couldn't bring herself to say anything more. She was already tired of having this conversation. She'd now had it three times in less than 24 hours and it was exhausting.

"Can we change the subject please?" Emily pleaded. The girls all nodded, switching the subject to Spencer's latest blind date. Emily wasn't paying any attention, her mind completely submerged in thoughts of Paige. Again.

She didn't know the girl Paige was marrying but Emily could only hope that she made Paige smile. She must, if Paige was marrying her. She knew that if she wanted to, she could ask Aria to tell her about her but Emily didn't want to open that can of worms. She knew enough about them. She knew that she clearly made Paige happy. Happier than Emily could and that's what mattered.

Emily tuned back into the conversation just in time to hear Aria mention that Ezra was going to be leaving Rosewood, and the country, to teach in India for two months, leaving her alone with their two children. Before Emily's brain to mouth filter even had a chance to turn on, she blurted out, "I could come stay with you."

The idea, while impulsive, wasn't altogether too insane. Emily didn't have any sort of steady job here in Los Angeles. She could afford to uproot herself and go stay with Aria and help with the kids. She needed to visit her Mom anyway. She hadn't seen her in too long. Maybe seeing her Mom would help alleviate some of the guilt she felt.

Hanna quickly turned to Emily. "Oh no. That's a horrible idea Em! You can't be in the same town as Paige two months before her wedding. That spells disaster!" She exclaimed. Aria interjected, desperation noted in her voice.

"I mean, she would be spending all day, every day with me and my kids Hanna. She wouldn't really have time have time to ruin a wedding." Aria reasoned, clearly interested in the idea Emily presented. Emily felt her heart begin to race. She didn't want to admit it to any of them, but the thought of seeing Paige was at the forefront of her mind. She had to know that she was happy. That the girl she was marrying put as big a smile on her face as Emily used to. And seeing them at the wedding wouldn't be enough. They wouldn't be in their natural element. She had to know that the girl made Paige smile every single day, even if they were only grocery shopping.

"C'mon Han, Aria needs help! And I don't have anything steady here. I can afford to take a two month vacation." Emily tried to convince Hanna. Emily knew Hanna would see right through her, she always could. Hanna eyed her skeptically.

"I'm coming with you. Hope you have enough room for the both of us, Aria." Emily grinned and Aria let out of a large sigh of relief.

"You have no idea how much this means to me." She said gratefully. Emily just smiled.

"Don't sweat it. We're happy to help." The conversation went on after that, everybody trading their best stories of the week.

Hanna hung up the skype call about an hour later and immediately turned to Emily. Emily could see the apprehension in her eyes. "Em. You're not just doing this for Aria. I know that. Spencer knows that. Aria knows that." Emily looked down, her hands inter tangling with each other in her lap. She nodded, urging Hanna to continue. "If we're going to do this, you have to stay away from Paige." Emily nodded, still not looking Hanna in the yes. "I mean it Emily! She's happy. You can't ruin that for her." Hanna warned.

Emily knew that. She did. She wasn't going to get in the way. She would let Paige have her happy ending, even if it wasn't with her.

She just had to make sure Paige was _actually _happy first.

* * *

**September 6****th****, 2020.**

It was the sixth of September when Paige received the RSVP card. The RSVP card with the yes, I'll be attending neatly checked off. The RSVP card saying that Emily Fields, and guest, were going to be attending her wedding.

Paige felt the breath leave her body. She swore her heart stopped or was suddenly being squeezed through a tube. She never…

This wasn't supposed to happen. She held the card loosely between her fingers, her eyes glazed over and out of focus. Her feet moved mechanically into the living room, where Anna was crunching numbers for the wedding. She was typing furiously, her eyebrow furrowed as she looked down at her screen. She didn't even notice Paige sit down next to her until Paige reached her hand out and laid the rsvp card on Anna's lap. Paige heard Anna's fingers quiet. She was still staring at her feet, unable to remove her mind from the state of shock it found itself in. There were a few moments of silence between them until Paige broke it. "I didn't think she would want to come." She choked out.

Next to her, Anna let her eyes flutter closed. She knew this would happen. She knew Paige would send the invitation. As much as Anna begged her not to, she knew Paige had to do it. To finally close their book. It wasn't Paige sending the invitation that worried her. It was the possibility that Emily might choose to come. And that fear was clearly not unfounded. Anna took three deep breaths, counting backwards from ten. She wouldn't let herself be angry about this – it wasn't Paige's fault. Anna knew Paige had to let Emily go, for good, before she could truly give herself to Anna and she was prepared for that. "Well, we can't take back the invitation now. I'll make room for her at a table with uh, some of your school friends. And Aria right? They're close." Anna rambled, her voice and hands shaking. Paige rested a hand on Anna's forearm.

"I'm so sorry. I wish I never sent it. I should've just. I don't know. Left her a voicemail. Or sent a carrier pigeon." Paige tried to apologize. Anna only shook her head.

"Please don't apologize. I understand why you had to do it. I'm-I'm not mad at you." Anna paused, looking over at the beautiful woman next to her. "I'm mad at her. I really am. I always have been, ever since I met you, but this? This is possibly the worst thing she's ever done to you. Can't she just let you be happy?" Anna exploded. Paige closed her eyes, attempting to keep the tears that had begun to flood her eyes at bay.

"Don't be angry. Please. I was angry enough for the both of us for a really long time and I'm finally past it, Anna. I don't want to be angry anymore." She turned to Anna, capturing her hand and gently rubbing her thumb across her knuckles. "I _love_ you. I'm _marrying_ you. And on our wedding day, I won't be thinking about Emily. I'll be thinking about how beautiful you are and how lucky I am that you settled for someone like me." Paige finished, looking into her fiancée's eyes. She moved a hand to Anna's cheek, which Anna turned gently into. Paige brought their foreheads together, giving her a light kiss on the forehead.

"I know. I love you too. So much." Anna looked up into Paige's eyes. "But I'm the lucky one. Truly."

Paige leaned in for one more kiss before she pulled away, standing quickly and moving toward their television. "Okay, put that computer away. We have about three weeks' worth of the gay bachelorette to catch up on." Paige exclaimed, pushing any leftover feelings away. She meant it when she said she was finished with Emily. Let her come to the wedding. Let her see how happy Anna made her. It didn't matter to Paige. She was marrying Anna. The true love of her life. That's what mattered.

And the more she repeated that to herself, as the gay bachelorette played in the background, the more she started to believe it.

**A/N: Another quick update, I know! It's only been two days since I posted the last chapter but I pounded this one out so quick, I wanted to post it before I started to second guess anything! I'm sorry for this chapter. It actually hurt me to write this, to write Paige with someone else but I had to do it! Also broken!Emily is very hard to write and I hate to say it, but it's not going to get better for them any time soon. Luckily, I have the slightly happier past chapters to keep me going! **

**Also, I feel like I ought to justify my choice to name Aria's daughter Alison. In the timeline of this story, Alison died and A never hunted them. So they never learned about all of the other terrible things Ali did so to the girls, she was just their friend that **_**died**_**. And they would have paid homage to that! **


	5. August 15th and 16th, 2011

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! The characters belong to Sara Shepard and Marlene King!**

**August 16****th****, 2011.**

The sun was way too goddamn bright.

Rays were streaming in through the shades and even the tiniest bit of light felt excruciating. Paige squinted her eyes, her vision a bit blurry, and her room so illuminated she could barely see a thing. A groan escaped her mouth as she tried to open her eyes a little bit wider. Fuck, when did the sun get so bright? She pulled her pillow over her face, finally opening her eyes completely against the darkness of her pillow. Her head was pounding. It felt like a heavy metal band had decided to set up shop on top of her brain and start performing.

Slowly, she peeled the pillow off of her face, wincing the more exposed her face became to the bright sunshine. Finally, with the pillow completely off of her face, she sat up in her bed. The motion caused her stomach to turn and some of last night's dinner to make its way up her throat. She clamped her teeth down hard on her tongue. She glanced at the alarm clock resting on her bedside table. The time read 10:06am. Her eyes fluttered closed once more. She let the breath she was holding slowly escape her body. She had an hour until practice. How was she supposed to swim with a pounding headache and nausea that made her feel like she'd come down with four stomach bugs at one time? She brought a hand to her face and dragged it across her cheek and up through her hair. Her hand caught on multiple knots and she forced her fingers through them.

She flung her feet over the side of the bed. She touched her toes down against the floor, standing up on shaky legs. She nearly stumbled straight to the ground. She took a deep breath, once again trying to regulate her breathing. She managed a few shaky steps. She stood in front of her mirror and was finally able to take herself in.

She was only half dressed. She had on one of her old high school swim t-shirts but she didn't remember putting it on. Fuck, she couldn't even remember coming in last night. Where were the rest of her clothes? She looked around her floor. Spotless. How did she manage to lose the clothes she was wearing last night and get into this t-shirt?

The party was already in full swing by the time Paige got there. She had spent a good majority of the last three hours trying to pick the perfect outfit and what she had decided on was far from perfect. It was simple, basic, and not going to to get her noticed. While the house wasn't busting from the seams with people, the music was loud and there were a few other tell-tale signs a party was happening. Paige stood at the edge of the grass, her arms crossed uncomfortably over her chest. This was a bad idea. She never should have come. She didn't _know _anybody here. She should have just sat in bed, watching reruns of Grey's Anatomy on Lifetime. At least there she couldn't embarrass herself.

With shaky legs, she was ready to turn around and head back to her dorm and put on her pajamas. There would be plenty of opportunity to get the full college experience another night. She was about two full steps off of the lawn when she heard a voice call her name from behind. She stopped. Her eyes fluttered closed and she turned herself back around. "HEY! You. You're the girl from the locker room!" Came the tipsy voice of a girl Paige vaguely recognized. Paige straightened her back and titled her chin forward. Her eyes narrowed and her eyebrow raised. The girl in front of her looked aggressive. She was built like a hockey player and frankly, scared Paige just a little bit.

"Yeah. And you are?" Paige asked, steeling herself for some kind of confrontation. Instead, the girls face softened and she smiled.

"I'm Reagan. Emily's friend. The watchdog." The reminder of Paige's earlier comment forced color to rush to her cheeks. She trained her eyes toward the ground. She gestured forward toward Reagan.

"I'm sorry – I get competitive. It brings out an ugly side of me." Paige mumbled. Her arms were still crossed tightly across her chest. If they were any tighter, she was sure she would start to collapse in on herself. Reagan took a few steps closer to Paige, who in turn took a step backward. Reagan laughed.

"Hey! I don't bite. Most of the time. And I totally get it. Emily talked to me, told me that you two talked it out and it's all kosher now." Paige pursed her lips, trying to prevent a smile from creeping onto her face. Emily talked to Reagan about her!

"Uh, yeah. She struck up a truce with me after practice." Paige shrugged. She looked behind her shoulder, wondering if it was going to be possible for her to leave without Reagan on her tail. Reagan quirked an eyebrow.

"Were you about to leave?" She asked Paige. Paige raised one shoulder, rolling it uncomfortably. Apparently she was as transparent as plastic wrap. She tried to think of a good reason to tell Reagan she was trying to blow off the party but all that she could come up with was:

"Yeah. This isn't my scene."

It, clearly, was not a good enough reason for Reagan. She rolled her eyes and pulled Paige's arms free. She grabbed Paige's loose hand and began to drag her toward the house.

"Oh please. A party is everybody's scene! If not while sober then after a few shots. C'mon. I know where the boys are keeping the good shit." Paige didn't have time to protest. Reagan had her through the doorway and into the loud kitchen before she had time to even think of opening her mouth.

Twenty minutes later, Paige had downed four vodka shots and was leaning on Reagan for support, as her feet were shaky and unable to hold her up. Her vision was warped and she hadn't stopped giggling in well over two minutes. The party had picked up and the house was flooded with student athletes, from all sports. Somehow the word about the little get together had gotten out but Paige had been too preoccupied with the alcohol shots in front of her to really notice the gathering crowds. One had grown around Paige and Reagan, who had moved on from vodka shots to trying to organize a game of flip cup. Paige had never really been drunk before and the shots were affecting her faster than she had expected them to. She wasn't going to deny the fact that she loved the feeling. And it didn't hurt that she hadn't seem Emily yet tonight. Even the prospect of seeing Emily had her stomach falling down to her toes and her heart leaping into her throat. She was grateful for the distraction that the alcohol provided to her. She figured could put off thinking about Emily and thinking about _seeing _Emily as long as she was drinking.

But as luck, or fate, would have it, not a moment later, Paige heard a very familiar laugh coming from her left.

Emily.

* * *

She had been at the party for close to two hours and the alcohol that had been practically forced down her throat had left her system. It was strange being one of the only sober people at a party, albeit entertaining. She had arrived with Reagan, who had long since abandoned her for the table full of shots, and helped "set up". That processes entailed putting stacks of solo cups in every available corner and alcohol on the tables. There wasn't a spot in the house that wasn't ready for borderline alcoholic college students.

It had come as a shock to Reagan, and a few other girls on the team, that Emily wasn't a big drinker. She glossed over the details of her almost sobriety, accepting only one beer before cutting herself off. She knew what happened when she drank. She wasn't about to unleash that beast on these people she had only just met.

Most of the past 20 minutes, Emily had been leaning against a counter in the kitchen, playing Unblock Me on her phone. It wasn't that she wasn't interested in what was happening at the party, she was, it just seemed to to get old after a while. She had seen the same three people declare, loudly, that they were drunk as fuck and by the second time it was eye roll inducing. This kind of thing was only fun for the drinkers. The sober friends got the short end of the stick.

Her battery was coming close to dying so she tucked her phone away into her back pocket. She heard Reagan's booming laugh coming from the dining room and she followed the sound. She was about ready to tell Reagan that she was just going to head out, citing a headache as an excuse, when she noticed the sloppy figure next to her. Paige. She had actually come. Emily was sure that Paige had written off her invitation with a typical eye roll but clearly, she had been wrong. The girl was clearly already very drunk and the game of flip cup the pair was about to engage in was certainly not going to help that. Emily slid up next to Reagan, clapping her new friend on the shoulder. "How's it going over here?" She asked, amusement peppering her tone. Reagan turned toward her, eyes wide with excitement. She threw her arms around Emily's neck. Emily was taken by surprise by the gesture and it took her a moment to return the embrace.

"Emmmmmmmmmmily! Look who I found!" Reagan exclaimed, pointing a finger at Paige after she released Emily's shoulders. Paige now had her eyes trained toward the ground and the drunken giddiness Emily had seen on her face when she arrived at the table had disappeared. She looked up and shot a nervous smirk at Emily. It was shakier than the ones Emily was used to seeing but familiar enough to strangely put her at ease.

"Hey Paige." Emily greeted, genuinely smiling at the other girl. Emily had meant business with their truce. She wasn't going to let Paige forget about it.

"Hey Fields." Paige mumbled back in response, her eyes still looking everywhere but at Emily. Reagan, who had turned into a pouty-faced child when Emily deflected her attention momentarily to Paige, quickly brought Emily's eyes back to her.

"We're just gonnar play some flip cup! You should _definitely _play Emily!" Reagan, once again, exclaimed loud enough for the whole room to hear. An uproarious cheer came from the fellow party goers once flip cup was mentioned and a crowd gathered near Reagan, Emily, and Paige. Emily shook her head and politely declined.

"No thanks. I've had enough tonight and you've probably had more than enough for the both of us." Reagan shrugged, turning her attention back to the line of red solo cups that were currently being filled with beer. Paige had moved to the opposite side of the table, face to face with Reagan. It was clear to Emily that Paige had had quite a bit to drink. Her usually pale cheeks were flushed red and her hair, which was normally groomed neatly, was flying wildly in a multitude of different directions. Her legs were wobbly (Emily was sure that at any moment she would fall over if she took one wrong step) and her eyes were only half open. Emily didn't know how much she had to drink but she recognized that look and it was one of somebody who was a few over their limit.

Emily shifted positions, moving closer to Paige. At some point when Emily was sizing Paige up, the teams had formed for flip cup and the game was starting. Emily watched the lines of people drink beer quickly and then try to flip the cup over onto its rim. It wasn't Emily's favorite drinking game, especially to watch, but something was keeping her at the table. Her eyes kept drifting over to Paige, who was giggling into the chest of some male swimmer that Emily hadn't met yet. He had a look in his eyes that Emily recognized too. Lust. She felt a strange twinge in her gut that caused her teeth to grind slightly until she had to look away from the pair. She diverted her attention over to Reagan, who was dancing to the beat of a song that wasn't playing. Emily took a few steps closer to her friend.

"Are you having fun?" Emily asked, quirking her eyebrow. Reagan gave a screech and a nod in response.

"OF COURSE." She yelled back. Reagan moved to get another drink from the table but Emily grabbed her hand.

"Hey, maybe you should take a break from the alcohol. Grab some water first?" Emily suggested. It was strange, being the responsible one. It was never her job to take care of other people. Spencer was always the babysitter and Emily had had her fair share of being babysat by her friend. Especially when drunk.

Reagan put up a bit of a fight but a few minutes later she had a bottle of water in her hand that she downed quickly before getting distracted by some other going-on of the party. Emily had lost track of Paige while she was trying to get Reagan to consume something other than liquor. After Reagan was out of her sight, Emily began scanning the room for Paige. No sign of her in the living room.

She moved through the kitchen quickly and then the dining room.

Nothing.

With a sigh of defeat, she went back into the living room. It vaguely occurred to her that Paige was not her responsibility. They weren't friends. They were barely not enemies. Paige should be none of Emily's concern. Yet here she was, searching for her. She told herself it was because she saw how drunk Paige was and knew what kind of choices somebody who was that drunk was liable to make. She didn't want Paige to do something that could hurt the team in the long run. Like jump off a roof. Or crash a bike into a trash can. Anything she could do to prevent an accident like that would be helpful. And that was the only reason. It had to be.

* * *

Emily had all of the power in the world over Paige.

Even when Paige only had half of her mind, Emily still threw her for a loop just by being present. It drove her nuts.

Paige could feel her. Feel the heat radiating off of her from where she was standing and it was almost as intoxicating as the the alcohol she had been drinking. And even worse was the feeling of her stomach falling down to her toes when Emily said her name. She nearly passed out right then and there the sound was so dizzying to her.

Paige was sure that the alcohol was heightening her reactions to Emily. Or dulling Paige's ability to shove her reactions down.

Either way, Paige knew she had to be as far away from Emily as she could get as quickly as possible.

There was a boy standing next to her who had been shooting her looks since the game started. Up until this point, she had been ignoring him, more intently focused on calming herself down. But she turned her eyes upward to him and introduced herself.

Within minutes, the pair were locked into a conversation. He was clearly trying to impress Paige and Paige was content to pretend that what he was saying was aweing her. Frankly, she didn't have to try too hard to pretend. The alcohol, which had been affecting her pretty severely earlier, had started to hit her even harder. She was laughing at things she would never usually laugh at. Her sober self would never find the boy in front of her funny or even the least bit attractive. Hell, even drunk her was struggling to _be _attracted to him. Aesthetically, he was great. He had good bone structure, pretty eyes, and a clean shaven face. There was nothing wrong with the way he looked. He was what most girls would consider a catch. However, Paige had to look long and hard to find something, anything, that would physically attract her to him. And the only thing she could come up with was the point of his ears.

His

_Ears._

And even that was a little bit of a stretch.

He was nice, at least he seemed to be. He was not nearly as drunk as she was and as they walked from the living room around to the kitchen, he helped steady her when her ankles seemed as though they were going to give out on her. She appreciated that. He got her a water bottle, unopened, that she graciously accepted and drank very quickly. Her eyelids were starting to feel heavy and her limbs felt like they weren't part of her body anymore. She pulled out her phone to check the time. It was nearing 2:30. The rational part of her knew she ought to leave and sleep at least a little bit because she had an early practice the next morning but the rest of her wanted to keep the night going. See where it would take her.

From the kitchen, her new friend took her down into the basement where the lights had been dimmed. He situated them into a corner and pulled their bodies incredibly close. Paige's eyes widened. _Oh_. This is where he thought this was going to go. He dragged his fingers lightly along Paige's arm, all the way up until it reached her hair. He took a few pieces of her hair and twisted them around his fingers. Into her ear he whispered, "You're so beautiful." She could feel his hot breath against her face and it made her stomach turn. She had to pull back.

She looked him straight in the eyes. "I-I can't do this. I'm sorry." She slurred slightly. His hand fell from her hair and he looked a little aggravated. He didn't protest as she walked away, which she was certainly thankful for.

Her stomach still hadn't stopped turning. She felt disgusted. Not by him but with herself. Or maybe the turning of her stomach was just the alcohol. She didn't know for sure, she just knew that she wanted to leave. She walked up the stairs as steadily as she could, which was not very steady at all. She had to stop at the top stair and close her eyes to try and get the room to stop spinning around her. Her stomach lurched again and she gagged, but she forced it down. No way was she puking in the doorway of a fraternity houses' basement. There were still crowds of people in the house, though the amount of people had thinned considerably. Paige tried to work her way around them but her motor skills were impaired and she only succeeded in bumping into people and nearly falling over.

About halfway between the basement door and the exit, Paige felt a hand on her elbow. Almost instinctually, she pulled it back. "Whoa, easy there tiger, just trying to get you standing upright again." Came the owner of the hand still wrapped around her elbow. Emily Fields. Of course.

"M'fine." Paige mumbled, weakly attempting to pull her elbow completely from Emily's grasp. Emily laughed.

"You're very drunk Paige. Where are you going?" She asked, letting go of Paige's elbow, which came as a welcome relief, though the spot where her hand had been was still tingling. Paige weakly pointed toward the door.

"Home." She stated curtly, or as curtly as she could with her words still slurring and coming out as though she were in slow motion.

"Not by yourself, you're not. C'mon. I'm walking you home." Emily said with a tone that made it quite clear that Paige really didn't have a choice in the matter. She didn't have the energy to argue so she just nodded. Music was still blasting throughout the house, which Paige was grateful for. It made the silence between the pair of them seem less awkward.

They exited the house side by side, Paige still struggling to take a step without nearly falling over. Emily was close enough to her to be able to prevent her from falling if she were to trip too badly but far enough away for Paige to still be comfortable. The first few moments of the walk were silent. Emily was keeping a careful eye on Paige, who was attempting to keep her eyes trained toward the ground in front of her but every so often her gaze would drift over to Emily.

Finally, a few minutes into their trek, the silence got to Emily. "What made you decide to jump ship? It seemed like you were having a good time, if the way that guy was hanging on you was any indication." Emily inquired, facing Paige. She shrugged.

"He and I had different ideas about where the night was going to go." Paige replied simply, not wanting to think about the way his breath felt against her ear again. Even the fleeting thought of it made her stomach start to turn again and her face to lose some color. She avoided looking Emily in the eyes but the light 'Oh' that she heard from the other girl made it clear that Emily understood exactly what she meant.

Silence overtook the pair of them again. Paige shivered, the crisp nearly-autumn air feeling bitterer than she expected. It was Emily again who broke the silence.

"What building do you live in? I know we're far from my building but I don't know how far away we are from yours."

"I live in Wilbur. It's close. I walked. I think it's over there." Paige pointed over to her right and then her left. And then behind them. Emily shook her head.

"You're going to have to forgive me for not trusting your directional skills." Emily retorted as she pulled her phone out of her back pocket. She pulled up the google maps all on her phone and pulled up directions from their location to Paige's dorm. When Emily looked up to tell Paige which direction they ought to be heading, Paige was nowhere to be seen.

Emily turned her head and looked in all directions, looking for movement. It was pitch black so she wasn't getting much in the way of that. "Paige? Paige? PAIGE?" Emily yelled, picking one direction and going that way. From a little ways ahead of her she heard a small giggle that alerted her to her lost teammate's location. She sped up and jogged quickly to where she thought she heard the sound. She looked around for Paige but she was still not in sight. Emily heard another laugh.

"'M down here." Was the response from the still giggling Paige. Emily jumped slightly backward, looking down. There she was, sitting on the concrete, blood oozing from her knee and elbow. Emily crouched down, looking up at Paige with a strange mix of worry and amusement in her eyes.

"How did this happen?" She asked looking at the flesh wound on Paige's knee. Paige shrugged.

"Dunno. Was walkin and then I tripped." Emily sighed.

"Mind if I take a look at your leg and make sure you didn't break anything?" Paige waved a hand at Emily, giving her permission. Gently, Emily rested one of her hands over the top of Paige's knee and one below it. She carefully bent it, making sure Paige still had her full range of motion. She brought her knee back down and removed her hands, shifting them down toward Paige's ankle, pressing down on a few key spots. When Paige made no outcries of pain, Emily looked back up at Paige, only to find Paige staring directly at her. Color began to flood the other girl's cheeks and she looked away quickly. "Everything looks okay. Can you stand up on your own?" Emily asked, choosing to ignore the developing blush. Paige nodded. She braced herself, one hand on either side of her hips and tried to push herself up. She got halfway there before her arms gave out on her and she collapsed back onto the ground. Emily was next to her and helping her up before Paige even had a chance to protest. "Here, I'm going to help you. Lean on me as much as you need to, okay?" Emily tried to add as much sternness to her tone as she possibly could, not waiting Paige to try and tell her that she could walk on her own. Emily snaked an arm around Paige's waist, gripping her side. Her phone with her navigation was in her other hand. Slowly, the pair of them began to walk. For the first few steps, Paige was able to support most of her weight on her own but before long, she had to lean almost completely on Emily.

Luckily, the walk wasn't long and Emily didn't have to support all of Paige's body weight for too long. It only took about five minutes for the pair of them to get to Paige's dorm. When they arrived at the door, Emily shifted her body so she was facing Paige. "Do you have your keys?" Paige nodded. She reached into the back pocket of her jean skirt and pulled out a Stanford University lanyard with a key and ID attached. She handed it over to Emily, who swiped the pair of them into the building. It was lucky that the elevator wasn't too far from the entrance or the trip would have been a lot more difficult.

Paige hadn't been able to focus on anything but the feeling of Emily's arm around her back since the moment she put it there. Her nerve endings were on fire. She couldn't focus on the throbbing pain of her leg or the tingling in her elbow. All she could feel was Emily's hand. If Paige had thought that Emily just being within feet of her was intoxicating, then she couldn't put a word to what she was feeling right now. She was dizzy and it wasn't from the alcohol.

In the back of her mind, Paige knew that she would never be able to admit how Emily made her feel while she was sober. She was so good at pushing it down, avoiding it, and pretending that it didn't exist. But with her inhibitions lowered and most of her mental walls gone, she could admit that Emily Fields made her feel _sick _but in the best damn way possible. She made her feel like a butterfly conservatory had been let loose in her stomach. Like she'd just ridden the tilt-a-whirl thirty times in a row without a break. With one touch, she could make Paige feel like she was every single one of the elements at once.

But ask her tomorrow how Emily Fields made her feel and all you'd get as a noncommittal grunt and a shrug.

Because when she was sober, Paige wasn't ready to admit what everything she felt for Emily meant.

* * *

Paige pulled away from Emily as soon as they were in her room. Paige immediately sat down on her bed, bringing her leg up to rest on top of the bed. Emily looked around. She lived in a single room that was still mostly bare, some boxes and suitcases had yet to be unpacked. "Do you have a first aid kit anywhere? I want to clean up those cuts so they don't get infected." Emily asked, trying to think of where Paige might have put it. Paige just pointed at the bottom drawer of her desk. Emil walked over to it and pulled the drawer open. She found the first aid kit and lightly kicked the door shut. "You should change before I put bandages on these." Emily said, putting the first aid kit on the desk and opening it. She pulled out a few band aids and gauze pads. "Let me know when it's safe to turn around." Emily called to behind her. She looked down at the desk some more. No pictures of friends or family. Nothing personal. It was like she didn't have anything to make the room her own. Paige made a grunting noise from the bed, which Emily took to mean she was decent again. She had on only an oversized t-shirt that barely covered what needed to be covered. "Is that what you sleep in?" Emily asked, raising an eyebrow. Paige nodded, her eyes closing slowly. "Hey, no sleeping. Not until I'm finished."

"Hurry up then. I'm exhausted." Paige slurred, her head reclining back onto her pillow. Emily rolled her eyes and kneeled down next to Paige's injured leg. Just as Emily was about to begin cleaning off the wound, Paige's head shot up. "Is this going to hurt?" Emily laughed.

"Not as much as you falling on the concrete did. Besides, I doubt you'll remember if it hurt or not in the morning anyway." Emily replied. Paige seemed to accept that answer and let her had fall back against her pillow. Gently, Emily began to clean off Paige's wound. It was a superficial cut and would probably scab over and then heal within a few days. Same with the one on her elbow. By the time Emily finished cleaning off Paige's scrapes, the other girl had passed out. Her eyes were tightly closed and her mouth was hanging open. The sight was, if Emily was being totally honest, kind of adorable. She was tempted to take a picture. Instead, she pulled the covers out from underneath Paige and threw them on top of her. She cleaned up what little mess she made and threw Paige's clothes into her hamper. The less she had to organize in the morning before practice, the better she was sure to feel. Emily made sure to leave Paige's key where she would see it and locked the door behind her as she left.

* * *

Emily woke up the next morning two hours before her practice. She took a warm shower and decided to get a coffee before practice. Impulsively, she decided to buy a coffee for Paige. She wondered how the other girl was doing after last night.

With both coffees in hand, she walked toward Paige's dorm. Luckily, just as she was arriving, someone was leaving so she slipped right into the building and into the elevator. Emily didn't know why she was doing all of this. She didn't have to be this nice to Paige, especially not after Paige had spent years treating her so poorly. She could have, and maybe should have, just left her to fend for herself last night after the party.

But Emily couldn't do that.

She knew that Paige wouldn't have been able to get herself home if Emily hadn't run into her. She would have been stuck on that sidewalk where she fell or worse. Emily couldn't have that on her conscience. That behavior was, at the very least, understandable. It was nice. Polite. A friendly thing to do. Bringing Paige coffee the morning after? Now that was a bit of a stretch. Emily chalked it up to concern about her teammate's well-being. It was only the second practice and coach would probably have her ass if she missed a practice already. And what kind of teammate would she be if she let that happen? And what better way to prove that Emily meant business with that truce than to show up with coffee and a friendly smile?

Emily arrived at Paige's door and took a deep breath before knocking. It only took a few moments for Paige to answer the door. There was a look of confusion on Paige's face and it confirmed Emily's suspicions that Paige didn't remember anything about last night. Emily raised the coffee in her left hand and said, "Mind if I come in? I come bearing gifts." Paige nodded skeptically. She took the coffee from Emily's hands as she walked in. Emily stood, slightly awkwardly, in the middle of the room while sipping her coffee. Paige stood near the door, alternating between looking at Emily and the ground. Emily decided to break the silence. "Do you remember anything at all from last night?" Emily asked. Paige opened her mouth as if she were going to say something but closed quickly and just shook her head.

"Not a single thing. I don't even know how I got back to my room." Emily laughed, taking a step toward her.

"I think I can help you with that. Mind if we walk and talk?" Paige shook her head.

"Not at all. Let me grab my bag." Paige grabbed her stuff off of the bed. Emily left the room a few steps ahead of Paige, who locked the door quickly behind them. They walked together toward the natatorium at a semi-leisurely pace. Emily recounted the parts of the night that Paige had spent with her with as much detail as she could. Emily knew how it felt to lose whole nights because she drank too much. It would have been nice to have someone to recount the details to her.

The walk to the natatorium was surprisingly quick, gaps in the conversation slim to none. It was surprising to Emily how easy it was to talk to Paige. It didn't feel like it was only yesterday Paige was intentionally bumping into her and trying to get under her skin. In fact, it felt like they had never been enemies at all.

Emily had watched Paige's reactions to her recount of the night, taking note of when her face dropped in embarrassment or when she seemed uncomfortable with how her actions may have been perceived. She didn't say much but the expressions on her face seemed to say it all. And that piqued Emily's interest. Emily had never seen Paige look more expressive and less guarded. It always seemed to her that the other girl always had walls up a mile high. Maybe it was just the hangover that was making it difficult for her to put up the walls but this version of Paige was one that Emily would be interested in getting to know.

Could it be possible that there was more to Paige than meets the eye?

* * *

If Paige was confused when she woke up in the morning, her mind was sent for another loop when there was a knock on her door and _Emily Fields _was waiting on the other side of it.

With coffee.

For her.

Part of her was tempted to slam the door in her face and continue to hide out until she finally remembered _anything _of what happened last night.

But the smile on Emily's face and the echo of the truce from yesterday stopped her.

Which, in the end, was a decision she was glad she made. Paige listened carefully to Emily's recount of the night's events. Slowly, bits and pieces of the night started to come back to her. The pictures were foggy and not in sequence, but at least it was something. She felt better knowing that she didn't make too many poor decisions. Though she was incredibly embarrassed by her behavior around Emily. Emily probably thought she was ridiculous. Or childish. Or both.

Emily finished recounting the events just as they arrived in the locker room. They both paused right before the aisle of lockers they shared yesterday. Paige looked upwards at Emily through her eyelashes, making the smallest amount of eye contact that she could. "Thanks. For everything you did." Paige began. "You could have just left me there and I wouldn't have blamed you if you did." She raised her eyes and looked Emily full in the face. In that moment, Paige allowed herself to give Emily a genuine smile.

It was delayed but Emily gave a bright mile in return. With a deep breath and a small smile, Paige starting walking to another aisle. Before she could get too far, Emily grabbed her elbow. Paige paused and raised a questioning eyebrow. Emily inhaled slowly before saying, "Hey, about what I said yesterday. The us not being able to be friends thing." She paused, looking Paige in the eye, "I take it back. I want to try and be friends Paige." She finished, her hand still on Paige's elbow. Paige's eye shifted to the hand and back to Emily's eyes. Slowly, she nodded.

"Yeah. I think I'd like that." Emily grinned at Paige, a true and genuine grin, before finally taking her hand off of her elbow.

"Good. You know this means no more calling me Highness at the pool right?" Emily joked, moving in toward the locker she had claimed as hers. Paige abandoned the idea of picking a different locker. If they were going to be friends, they could share a locker space. Paige rolled her eyes, good-naturedly of course, at Emily's comment.

"You sure about that? I was kind of attached." Paige bantered back. Emily mock glared over her shoulder.

"How about this? You can keep calling me Highness if I get to call you lush." Paige flinched a bit and nodded.

"Alright, point taken, Fields. Get changed before we're both late." She joked.

Paige marveled at how easy it seemed between the two of them. Like this had always been how they were together.

And Paige liked it.

A lot.

**A/N: FINALLY. An update! I know it's been forever and I'm so, so sorry about it. I had the craziest summer with the craziest work hours but now I'm back in school with routine that's easier to work writing into so here we are! I hope things don't seem to be moving too quickly, I just wanted to establish their friendship. They won't revert from here. There's nowhere to go but up for them, but it will take quite some time for them to reach couple status on this timeline. AGAIN I want to apologize for the wait. I won't take this long between updates again (hopefully, though I make no promises). If you ever want to bother me/check on the progress of the next chapter, you're more than welcome to follow me or just message me on tumblr! I'm fifteendivision over there c: Heart all of you for sticking with me/this story through the accidental hiatus! Also I apologize for any errors in spelling or grammar I was too lazy to look this over.**


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